New Year's Resolutions

I always make New Year's Resolutions, and *always* break them. My OCD nature means that if I resolve to save all my loose change, then need to use £2 of it for vending at work, I'll count the whole things as a failure, spend *all* the money, and give up completely. Same with diets - if I have *one* meal out where I eat dessert, I'll give in totally for the rest of the year. So, this year I'm *still* making my resolutions. But there's an extra one, which will be number 1 on the list. Without further ado then, my New Year's Resolutions, 2006:-

1. Don't be so hard on myself. I need to realise that there's a time and a place for everything, and that just because I may *choose* to eat something I shouldn't, or borrow from my change jar, all is not lost.
   
2. Focus on lowering my blood sugar and blood pressure. This one encompasses things like taking my medication every day, drinking enough water, eating low carb as much of the time as I can, and generally cutting out the junk.
   
3. Open a savings account and save monthly, straight from my wages. I won't miss £25 a month, and every little helps.
4. Save my £2 coins. There's already £24 in my terramundi, and I'm not breaking it until August. It's spending money for New York.
5. Try and be a bit more sociable. I'm being really anti-social again at the moment, which is never good.
6. Be me. At this point I'm not sure I actually know who *me* is, but this is the year I'm going to try and find out.
7. Stop worrying so much about what other people think.
   
8. Buy a new bed.
9. Learn more photography techniques and skills.

Owwwwwwwwww...

OK, so it's Boxing Day - the day I traditionally clear out my bedroom, trying to make way for new items received at Christmas. I didn't have a huge amount to make space for this year, but decided to start tidying anyway.

This brings me to Kirstie's Holiday Tip Number One - When lifting a box containing a solid glass photo frame, approximately 14" x 10", that has previously been opened, making sure you're holding it open end *up* is a good idea, to avoid dropping the *^&£%!@ thing on your big toe!!!

I now have a lovely bruised toe that's black under the nail, and hurts like *hell*. And tomorrow I have to put on shoes that are ever so slightly too small to be comfy, and do 9 hours on my feet at work. Fun!

It wasn't them ...

The two firefighters who were killed in the fire at Ringmer yesterday have been named today, and I'm relieved that neither of them were people I knew. I still don't know whether either of my former colleagues or my former neighbour were among the injured, but I do feel a little less worried today.

Maybe I'm naive, but I never expect to see events that are local to me on the front pages of the national newspapers, so it was something of a shock to see the story on the front page of the Daily Mail, the Mirror, and one or two others this morning, as well as the local paper, of course. It made it so much more real, somehow - the knowledge that something happening just five miles up the road from me was the biggest story in the country's news today.

I don't quite know how to feel today - a part of me feels so sad at the events of yesterday, while the other part still feels rather detached. There are interviews and reports telling of people hearing the explosions and seeing the smoke in Lewes, Uckfield, and for several miles around, yet because I was at work, where it's almost like a bubble away from the 'outside world' I didn't hear anything, or discover anything about the fire until I came home from work. It's almost as though I've heard that it happened, but haven't been affected by it, or seen any 'proof', so I can't quite believe it yet. Things like that just don't *happen* around here .... until now.

Worried ...

I came home from work this afternoon to hear on the news that a fireworks company a few miles from Lewes has burned down today. The latest news is that two firefighters have been killed, and several others injured in the fire and explosions, which were still occurring at 7pm, five hours after the initial blaze.

I'm worried because I know at least three of the Lewes firefighters, though the ages given would indicate that only one of the people I know could be either of those killed, but the injured could easily include my former colleagues. I keep refreshing the web pages, hoping to see names listed, just so I *know*, but nothing yet.

As most people reading this will know, Lewes is huge on Bonfire, and the company destroyed this afternoon was owned and run by part of one of the main families involved in Lewes Bonfire. The owner's house has been destroyed, as well as everything they've worked for, some of their staff have been injured, and many members of the emergency services have been injured, or lost their lives, yet on the Lewes town message board, all one individual can think of to post is a diatribe against fireworks, and Bonfire within the town. Priorities much? Moron.

BBC News report

Bonfire, Part 2 - The Processions.

To set the scene a little, there are now seven Bonfire Societies in Lewes. There are Cliffe, the biggest, and many say the best, who have a reputation for doing things their way, in their own time, and if you don't like it ... well, tough! They use the skull and crossbones as their emblem, and their first pioneer costume is Vikings. Like all societies, they have a large number of members who dress as smuggles, in striped Guerney jumpers, in Cliffe's case, black and white.

Waterloo - my 'local' society, who are based in my area of town, and whose first and last processions come down my street. Very much family oriented, and big on the Royal Family, always having at least one military band on the night. First Pioneer costume is Ghengis Khan, and smugglers colours are red and white.

Commercial Square - second largest society in the town, also very family oriented. First pioneer costumes are Native American, and smugglers wear black and gold.

Borough - famous for their Zulu costumes, which used to scare the life out of me when I was young! Smugglers wear blue and white. Said to be the oldest society in Lewes.

South Street - a smaller society from the South Street end of town. Lots of Siamese dancer costumes, with smugglers in brown and white.

Nevill Juvenile - formed around 40 years ago, primarily for the younger people on the Nevill estate. Share their firesite with Borough, and thus have their main celebrations two weeks before Bonfire Night, then march with Cliffe on the night. Smugglers wear green and white.

Southover - reformed in 2005 after a gap of some years. I don't really know much about their costumes yet!

The way Bonfire Night in Lewes works is that from about 5pm, all the main roads into Lewes are closed to incoming traffic, and the town centre is completely closed off as well. The High Street is over a mile long, and is packed with crowds on both sides, most of whom don't come from Lewes. It's a bone of contention that so many 'outsiders' come from far and wide to see the celebrations, when the societies actually hold the events for the people of Lewes. The more people that come each year, the more word gets around as to what a great night it is, thus the crowds get larger every year, not helped by the fact that despite requests from the police, Lewes Bonfire Council, and the Sussex Bonfire Safety Group, the rail company still insists on putting on lots of extra trains into Lewes, rather than only running the normal services.

The societies all hold early processions, which are relatively calm, and mainly for the children and younger members, so that they can take part, and then stay indoors for the evening while their parents and older siblings go out and enjoy the rowdier processions and fireworks later. The first processions are at around 5-5:30pm, then starting at around 6pm, each society marches from it's HQ to the War Memorial, about 3/4 of the way down the High Street. There the Remembrance ceremonies which I discussed in Part 1, are held, before the societies all march to the top end of the town. Cliffe and South Street are last to go up, and first to come back down, as they do not take part in the United Grand, as the other societies do. The Grand takes about an hour to pass a single point, and as each society reaches the bottom of the town, they disperse and head off to their individual firesites, scatted across the town.

The processions start off calmly, and respectfully, until the serious business of Remembrance is over. I wasn't particularly impressed this year when Waterloo were at the point of playing the Last Post and about to discharge their firework set pieces, to see that the proceedings were interrupted by members trying to get everyone moved over so that a fire engine could come up the hill. That would have been fine however, if it weren't for the fact that when it finally came through, the firefighters were leaning out of the cab windows, laughing and joking, and quite obviously headed nowhere more inportant than back to the station for a cuppa! I found that quite disrespectful, as it obviously wasn't an emergency at all.

The bands were great this year, though I still miss the days when Waterloo used to have the Kings Own Waterloo military band marching with them. I loved the bagpipes and the Morris Dancers, as I always do, and the increasing number of drumming bands that come each year always get the crowds going as well.

This year was the coldest Bonfire Night I can remember, and my padded lumberjack shirt and leggings did *not* work as well as usual! I added a fleece under the shirt when we popped home to get my tripod between the processions and the fireworks, then another pair of leggings under the first pair when we came home after the fireworks and before Bonfire Prayers, and I was *still* too cold to feel my fingers!

Mum and I used to stay at home until after Waterloo's first procession, which we would watch from our balcony, and then go up to the War Memorial, getting there for about 6pm, just before the first Remembrance procession. These days however, there are way too many people for that, and as the celebrations were on a Saturday again this year, I knew it would be busy again. Last year we got to the War Memorial at 4:25pm, thanks to the local Bonfire radio station (yes, Lewes has a dedicated Bonfire station 2 weeks a year!) telling people how busy it was getting, and we still didn't get front row. This year I decided to pop up there at about 4:20 to see how busy it was, and ended up ringing Mum to come up *now* with my camera, as if she wanted front row, it was now or never! We found a gap in the second row, as a few more people arrived before she did, but within 5 minutes a few people left and we nipped into the gap. I sat down on the pavement for the next hour or so, while we waited, and stood up when it started getting really congested behind me.

Each society builds one or more "tableaux" which are basically huge (up to 30ft tall) paper mache and chicken wire models of people or events that have caught the media attention, either locally, nationally, or globally, over the past year. These are dragged through the town in the processions, then ceremonially blown up at the firesite .... when I say "blown up", I mean it literally ... they are *packed* full of various fireworks!

The "tabs" can be either complimentary, or quite the opposite... in November 2001 Osama Bin Laden was depicted on the toilet, and various UK and US politicians have also met a fiery end ... some more frequently than others! This year Condoleeza Rice, George W Bush, and Steve Irwin were featured, with the Steve Irwin tab getting rapturous applause, and the other two ... well, imagine 80,000 people all booing at once, and you get the idea! One society built a tableau that showed a large scale map of Lewes, with all the areas that are being sold off or redeveloped over-emphasised, and the slogan "Once upon a time there was a lovely town called Lewes .... then the council sold it to the developers".

As well as the flaming torches, which are carried even by the four or five years olds, most societies have other flaming banners as well, like their initials, or in Borough's case, the word "Zulu". A few years ago, Cliffe had the words "We Won't Be Druv" - an old Sussex saying. The later processions get more and more rowdy, with lots of rookies and bangers being thrown ... you learn to see when a Bonfire Boy or girl is reaching into their pocket, and look the other way! It's quite unsettling for even experienced Lewesians to see how close some of the bangers land to the edge of the crowds, and visitors to the town are often surprised to discover that Bonfire is so much more intense than a friendly carnival type evening. I'm sure I'll read the usual complaints from outsiders who came on Saturday, in the local paper tomorrow, about the noise and danger of the evening, but my message to them would be "You should have researched before you came, and if that's how you feel, don't bother coming back again."

I won't deny that there are always a few injuries and a few arrests, but this year was the lowest for either, in years. I believe there were around 80,000 people this year, with 6 minor injuries - all for burnes from *handling* fireworks incorrectly, and 6 arrests - all drink related. You'd get more incidents than that at a pop concert or sporting event, so please, don't tell me Bonfire is dangerous!

Hmm, I went off on a bit of a tangent there, didn't I? Sorry about that!

We stayed until the end of the Grand Procession passed us by, at around 9:15pm - not that we could have got out from where we were with the barriers in front of us, and the thousands of people behind us, had we wanted to! When people started to move we nipped through the crowd and came home for my tripod, to use the facilities, and add clothing, then walked down to Waitrose where I knew Daniel was waiting for Dom. Poor Dom had had to work until 10pm so while Daniel, his mum Helen, and another friend, Debbie, waited at the front of the store for him, I offloaded my tripod onto Daniel, and Mum and I walked round to the back of the store to one of the 100+ food vans that had come to Lewes that night. We queued for about half an hour, just for some chips, then walked back round to the front to meet the others, before making our way down to the fireworks. That's a separate post though :-)

Fireworks and Bonfire Prayers coming in Part 3 in a day or two!

Bonfire Pics

My photos from Bonfire Night are now online, not in order, but they're there!

View if you want, at http://www.photobox.co.uk/album/4070497

Bonfire, Part 1 - Remembrance

Anyone reading this in the UK will (or should!) have a good basic knowledge of English History, and the Gunpowder Plot. In a nutshell, albeit a large one, here's the basics.

Starting in May 1604, a group of Catholics, led by Robert Catesby, and including Thomas Winter, Robert Winter, Christopher Wright, Thomas Percy, John Wright, Ambrose Rokewood, Robert Keyes, Sir Everard Digby, Francis Tresham, and Thomas Bates, were angered by the refusal of the government to give equal rights to Catholics, and developed a plot to kill King James I, abduct the Royal children, and install nine year old Princess Elizabeth as a Catholic head of state. The plot was developed over a period of a year and a half, and culminated with the discovery of Guy Fawkes, an explosives expert, in the vaults of the Houses of Parliament early on November 5th, 1605.

An Act of Parliament was passed to ensure that November 5th would be commemorated each year, as "ye joyful day of deliverance", and although the Act only lasted until 1859, Lewes has not only held steadfastly to the traditions of remembering what has been known as "Bonfire Night" but has added to the celebrations in such a unique way that we have become known the whole world over as the Bonfire capital of the world.

Lewes remembers much more than the failed Gunpowder Plot, however. Between 1555 and 1557, seventeen Protestant Martyrs were burned at the stake outside the Star Inn, where the Town Hall now stands. Their sin was to refuse to renounce their Protestant religion, which they ultimately died for. There is a plaque on the Town Hall, as well as a large monument (The Martyrs Memorial) which stands on Cliffe Hill, and which is illuminated on Bonfire Night each year.

After the failed plot, there was, unsurprisingly, especially in those times, a backlash against the Catholic religion. Only one of the Lewes Bonfire Societies (Cliffe) still burn an effigy of the Pope, though most of the others include a verse in their Bonfire Prayers that goes like this:

"A penny loaf to feed the Pope
a farthing cheese to choke him.
A pint o' beer to rinse it down
and a faggot of sticks to burn him.
Burn him in a tub of tar

burn him like a blazing star.
Burn his body from his head.
then we'll say old Pope is dead!"

Much has been written about the "anti Catholicism" and "bigotry" related to Lewes Bonfire celebrations, but it's important to remember that the Pope who is depicted on the banners, and in effigy form is *not* the current Pope, but Pope Pious V, who was head of the Catholic Church 400 years ago! Indeed, many of the Cliffe's 1000+ members are Catholic themselves!

Finally, Bonfire remembers those who have given their lives for our country, and each year the Bonfire proceedings centre around the War Memorial in the High Street. Each Bonfire Society marches to the War Memorial, where firework set pieces, usually shaped like a poppy, or the words "Lest We Forget" and "Their Finest Hour" are discharged, the "Last Post" is played by a bugler, and a minute's silence is held. I always get quite emotional at this point, and have been known to shed a few tears on many occasions. The atmosphere of being surrounded by thousands of people is pretty intense, though there are always a few people who insist on talking on their phones, laughing, and otherwise spoiling what usually remains a respectful and calm part of the proceedings. Each society also lays a wreath at the War Memorial.

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The banners that hang above Cliffe High Street are hung the evening before the celebrations. The banner raising has become something of an integral part of the Bonfire proceedings, and several hundred people usually pack the street, which is closed to traffic for an hour or so. Cliffe members use a cherry picker to hang each banner from the buildings on either side of the road, and as each one is successfully hung a mass of firecrackers and bangers are let off on the road, to massive cheers from the crowd. I had to work this year so no pics, unfortunately.

Update

Well, in light of the fact that I haven't blogged much this month, I thought I'd do a quick update. This week:-

• I went to MonkeyWorld in Wareham, Dorset, on Sunday, with Carol and Sharon, two friends who also work with me. While there, I enjoyed a nice crusty granary baguette for lunch. I did *not* enjoy breaking a front tooth right at the gumline, and now having a very noticeable gap that I need to save big bucks to get fixed. Argh.
• My new phone arrived yesterday and the SIM card today, so I've been playing with that! Love it so far!
• I finished work for 9 whole days yesterday ... looking forward to a break!
• And today was Bonfire! We can't burn the Pope on a Sunday, so the Bonfire celebrations were held tonight instead of tomorrow. I'm fresh from a nice hot bath, absolutely shattered, and off to bed. Lots of bangs (not little ones either!) still going off around the town, and almost 300 pics and videos to edit and sort tomorrow.
  

Night folks, more tomorrow or Monday!

It's for yoo-ooo .... well, me actually!

So, I've been wanting a new phone for a year or so, as my Motorola V600 is dated now. It's served me well, and will go on to have a new life with my Mum, if I can get her to *use* it, but I felt the need for a new phone. I've been eyeing up the Nokia 6280 for months, and know several friends who have the same phone.

It's not the smallest or lightest phone around, which is a plus point, as I like to be able to feel my phone, and for it to be big enough to hold and handle easily. It has all the usual features, including a 2mp camera, mp3 ringtones, mp3 player, radio, video capture etc, and I finally took the plunge and just won an auction for one on eBay. I paid £97.99 plus £8 postage, so £105.99 in total, and the same phone is in the current Argos catalogue for £219.99 including £30 of credit, so still almost double what I paid.

Here's the link to my new phone ... I can't wait for it to arrive now!

Motivation, or lack thereof ...

I have so much to do, and no inclination at all to get any of it done. I have to

1. Write to my aunt to ask for her help with my family history
2. Ring Clare tomorrow to wish her a happy birthday, in lieu of the card I didn't post in time.
3. Ring the doctor's surgery to cancel my diabetic nurse appointment for Wednesday, that only arrived on Friday, and which I can't reshedule until the week after Bonfire Night
4. Clean, tidy, and generally clear out my room - it literally has enough free floor space to get from the door to the bed, and the bird cages
5. Get back on the low carb eating plan
6. Figure out what I want for Christmas, and give the list to the people who want to know
7. Clear out the spare room, which is filled with tons of my stuff, in storage crates.
8. Work out a way to not spend all my wages in the first half of the month.
9. Catch up on email
10. Sort out my wardrobe, and work out what is still wearable, ditch what isn't

Argh. All I actually want to do is stay here, on my bed, meandering around online and listening to music. I don't *want* to go to work, or do stuff that needs to be done. It's too much effort. Everything is too much effort. Why can't I just be a recluse for the next how ever many years I'm here for?

Concerts are like buses ...

You know how you spend ages waiting for the bus, then three come along at once? Well, until June this year, I'd never been to a concert in my entire 30 years on earth. I then saw Bon Jovi, Westlife and Robbie Williams within 3 months! Now next year's shaping up to be as good, if not better, as I've already got 3 booked within a 6 week period

I'm seeing Shayne Ward at Wembley Arena on Feb 16th, and Westlife at the Brighton Centre on March 29th, and I've *just* booked tickets for Michael Bolton at the Brighton Centre on March 16th. I'm now down to about 50p in cash until I get some money owed to me, or claim my 50% ticket subsidy back from work for the Robbie concert, but I'm happy :)

The concerts I'm going to next year may not be the coolest acts, or on the same scale as Bon Jovi or Robbie, but I like them, and I'm not ashamed of my musical tastes! Bring on next year ...!

Not Something You See Every Day

So this afternoon I was passing through my living room, when I happened to look over to the window and saw a mass of small white feathers flying up in the air (we're in a first floor flat). I actually thought two pigeons had collided in mid-air, before deciding that maybe it would be worth a look outside, so I walked over to the French doors and stepped out on the balcony to see ...

A gorgeous kestrel (or is it a sparrowhawk?)had caught a pigeon and was in the classic pose of hiding it's kill, by stretching it's wings and crouching over it. I knew it was risky to move, but I was lucky that it stayed for long enough to allow me to run and grab my camera from my bedroom, and get three shots. After I'd got those, I popped in to get Mum, but by the time we had got back to the balcony, it had gone, leaving a few more feathers swirling around. I adore birds of prey, and though I feel sorry for the pigeon, I'm still excited to have seen such a gorgeous bird!

At one point it was startled by something and half flew, half walked a couple of feet further away, towards the edge of the road, and a parked car, but it wasn't long before a car coming down the road obviously threatened it even more, and it flew off, taking lunch with it! I hope to see it again sometime, and suspect that it probably lives about 100 yards away in the churchyard at the bottom of our road. There are plenty of pigeons around to supply it with food, anyway!

I've been paid!!!

OK, so it's 3:55am on Saturday morning, and I'm thinking I really should go to bed. Then I get the mad idea that seeing as I'm due to be paid on Tuesday, and it always goes in one working day in advance, I should get paid on Monday ... BUT ... maybe, just maybe, the weekend is a good enough reason for my wages to already be in my account.

Off I go to my online banking, not really expecting there to be any more than the 14p that's been there for the past two weeks, but by some miracle I actually *have* been paid! Yay! I can buy my Crocs now, do a big shop for the month ahead, and all sorts of marvellous things! *And* I've been paid more than last month, when I worked two Sundays last month, and haven't done any this month, so I may even be able to get my new phone!

I'm a happy girlie now, off to bed to dream about money, and how to spend it!

Robbie Concert!

Clare picked me up at 10am, and we planned to arrive at Milton Keynes Bowl just after midday, but traffic on the M25 meant it was nearly 1pm when we got there. We parked the car, then went to join the queue, which was absolutely massive. Gates opened at 2:30pm, and people had ben queuing since the night before, to make sure of getting front row spots, especially those with Inner Circle tickets! We ended up sitting on the grass beside the access road where the queue was, and eating our packed lunch, before going to the merchandise stand and buying our tour programmes and in my case a keyring. Excellent quality for both items, and i was particularly impressed that the programmes came in their own stiff-backed envelope, which ensured that (unlike my Bon Jovi one!) it was still intact when I got home that night!

By the time we'd done that, and I'd rung James to arrange a visit next week (cue the "Milton Keynes?? What on earth are you doing *there*?" conversation!) the gates had been opened and the queue was moving - quite rapidly thankfully, as it went from the gates, down to the end of the access road, then doubled back on itself all the way back down to, and past, the gate - it took about half an hour to actually reach the gate and get in.

With General Admission tickets and the fact that the concert was completely sold out, we knew we'd have to get straight into the Bowl and find a good spot - approximately 55,000 of the 65,000 people there would be fighting for good GA spots, with the rest being Inner Circle at the front. We decided to aim for a spot high on the sloping sides of the Bowl, where we could have an unobstructed, albeit distant, view of the stage, and still be able to get out to the toilet or food stalls easily, but even in the time it took to walk in, up the steps, and into the Bowl proper, most of the grass directly in the line of the stage was taken. We found a pretty good spot, with just one tiny corner of the stage obscured by a bar tent or something similar down in front of us, and sat down for the duration. It was 3pm by then, and like the thousands of other people with us, we had until 6pm to wait for the first support act. It didn't rain, though the clouds were building up, and we spent the time catching up on gossip, just generally chatting, etc.

At 6pm Orson tool the stage - they're a Californian band who have had three recent hits in the UK, and I like them quite a lot. They only did a half-hour set, but were good, and got the crowd livened up a bit. There was a gap then, when I decided to go to the toilet, thinking that as it was only just after 6:30, I'd be back by the time the next supporting act, Basement Jaxx, came on at 7pm. When I reached the queue for the toilets however, I realised that I had no chance, as it was about 500 or more people long, and moving slowly! I could see that I was missing a fabulous sunset from where I was stuck queueing, which was lower down than the spot where Clare and I were based inside, and then I heard the crowd cheer and Basement Jaxx start their set. I eventually got back inside the Bowl at about 7:10, and realised I had a problem ... the crowd were not happy to stay sitting down through Basement Jaxx, who are a pretty lively dance music group, and had, without exception, got to their feet ... which meant I couldn't see Clare at all! It was darkening quickly, and she was wearing grey ... not helpful! I ended up weaving me way through all the people in the general vicinity of our spot, trying to spot her, or someone who had been sitting near us! She text messaged me - "are you alright" and I replied that I was fine, but I just couldn't find her! Aboout 30 seconds later, I spotted her, and managed to get back to where we had been, but being lost in 65,000 people really was an experience that I could have done without!

Robbie was due on stage at 8:30pm, and I had watched the concert he did on 9th September at Leeds, as well as having seen loads of photos, watched video clips, and read concert reports on various forums, so I knew what to expect, but his entrance and the build up to to it was still pretty stunning. Shortly before 8:30, the stage lighting and all the Bowl lighting was turned off, so we were left in comlete darkness, and then there were intermittent fireworks and balls of flame ejected from the stage, long with lots of smoke effects. This continued every 30 seconds or so until the dot of 8:30, when the crowd lighting came back on, the stage and three big screens at the back of the stage and either side of it lit up with their full effects, and at the same time, Robbie appeared in a mass of smoke on stage, launching straight into "Radio" as he did so. The crowd went mad, and I was in two minds as to whether to take pics, or record video! I ended up doing a combination of both throughout the concert, coming home with 238 pics and around 20 video clips.

Robbie went from "Radio" straight into "Rock DJ" and "Tripping", with "Rock DJ" getting the crowd even more fired up than they already were. Next was "Monsoon", s song I only discovered in the past week or so, but now love, folowed by "Sin Sin Sin" and "Make Me Pure" - another one I didn't know until I watched the Leeds concert, and absolutely love now. Robbie then introduced Chris Coco, a DJ who featured in the band line-up for this tour, saying "His name's Chris Coco, and he drops beats like these ...". I knew what was coming here, and I wasn't disappointed, as the main screen at the rear of the stage changed to an old-style "Swingers" logo. Robbie then introduced his best friend, Johnathan Wilkes, who's been a guest on every one of the 50 or so dates this tour. I love seeing Robbie and Jonny together - their friendship shines through the stage act, and it's easy to see that for all his stage persona and arrogance, Robbie is actually just a normal guy who's come through some pretty tough times. He seems more vulnerable when he's with Jonny, like he's with someone he totally trusts and feels comfortable being himself, rather than the megastar we usually see him as. They did a bit of banter, with Jonny saying he reckoned Robbie had only given 90% entertainment, and he was here to add the other 10% for a total of 100% entertainment, then sang the swing song "Me and my Shadow", followed by a bit more banter.

I expected them to go into their "Who's a better footballer" act that has been done on every other show this tour, at this point, but got the best surprise, when Robbie said "Y'know Jonny, I think we're the best double act in the country ...". I wondered why the crowd were going completely nuts at that, then realised that Ant and Dec had popped up through the trapdoor Robbie enters the stage by, and said "The best double act in the country?!" I was in photo mode on my camera, and didn't switch to video mode fast enough, so I haven't got the whole bit with Ant and Dec on film, but it was hilarious ... really funny, especially when either Robbie or Jonny said "Who do you two think you are?" and Ant and Dec replied "Who do we think we are? We .... *we* used to be PJ and Duncan" (referring to the characters they played about 15 years ago in Byker Grove, and the pop act of the same name they had a few minor hits with). There's no other way to describe the crowd reaction to that, but "mental"! They tried to sing a bit of their mid 90's hit "Let's Get Ready To Rumble", but were stopped by Robbie and Jonny, who were then booed by the crowd! That was hilarious too, as Robbie turned to Jonny too, and said "Are they booing *us*?!" then to the crowd "Robbie Williams on the tickets!!"

The four of them then did "Strong", with the words being displayed on the three screens so that the crowd could sing along, though I suspect most people already knew them. I got some pics of Robbie, Jonny, Ant and Dec, but as we were right at the back of the Bowl, they're tiny figures! Robbie is pretty good mates with Ant and Dec as well as Jonny, and it really showed ... he wasn't just doing a show for us, but was actually enjoying himself too. Given all the press controversy about his career going downhill .... yeah, because 7million of his last album, and 3 million concert tickets sold for this tour *really* proves that!!! .... as well as the fact that he cancelled the 4 Asian dates at the end of this tour, I think the crowd really wanted to show their support for him, and he appreciated that.

After "Strong", Ant and Dec, and Jonny, left the stage, and it was back to Robbie's show. He told us how Take That had got back together this year, and asked him to join their tour, and that "it pulled on my heartstring for five minutes, then I realised I'd sold 3 million tickets for my own tour ..... what can you do?" but that he's met up with Gary, Mark, Howard and Jason, and wished them all well. He said he wanted to perfom "their favourite Take That song, and mine ..." and then did a very nice rendition of "Back For Good", which had all the older fans (yes, I mean the ones my age!!!) singing along, flashing back to the early-mid 90's!

Next was a shout out to his dad, who for at least the second time of the Milton Keynes dates, was in the crowd ... "chatting someone up, no doubt" according to Robbie! He dedicated the next song to his dad, which was "Advertising Space", a song that on the surface is about Elvis Presley, but that many fans believe is semi-autobiographical as well, especially with lines such as "Please be gentle, I'm still learning"

"Come Undone" next, a beautiful song that is really about Robbie, and gives a breathtaking insight into the way he sees himself. It does contain a couple of explicit lyrics, but the words, and the emotion behind the song are just gorgeous ... it's a song that I relate to in several ways, and which often has me in tears if I'm in the right (wrong?) frame of mind. "Feel" was next, another soaring power-ballad, and then as soon as it ended, Robbie said "Thank you Milton Keynes ... Goodnight!". I wasn't too worried, as I knew what was next. There was about a three minute break, while the stage went dark, and then it exploded (literally) with more fireballs, smoke plumes, and fireworks from the top of the stage. As the opening notes of "Let Me Entertain You" blasted out, Robbie appeared 30m above the stage on one of the two arms that formed the top of the whole set up. Crowd reaction to the song and Robbie's super-quick costume change and ascension was amazing, and the sheer energy by now was almost unreal. Even I was jumping around ... something I *don't do*, and which is rather difficult when you're trying to take pictures at the same time! I think "Rudebox" was the next track, which is a rather retro/techno song from his forthcoming album, and which although it's been panned by the press, has grown on me from a few weeks ago, and actually went down very well.

All too soon it was time for "Angels", *the* big song of the night. I'm sure that every single one of the crowd were singing along to this, and probably about half of them, if not more, had suspiciously damp eyes ... Robbie (and me) included! When he finished the song, he was about to leave the stage, when he seemed to change his mind and performed "Dear Sir" as a last reward for us. It's not a song, but more of a poem, aimed at one of the teachers who always said Robbie should join the army, not aspire to be famous ... very sarcastic and cutting, but it provides another excellent insight into Robbie's insecurities and background, as well as being very motivating ... again, it contains some profanity, but it's contextual, and it fits, so I don't have a problem with it.

By the time that was over, Robbie was looking tired and emotional, as he did a bow with the backing singers, dancers, and band. He said "I've been Robbie Williams, thank you and goodnight" then slowly left the stage, but was definitely tearful. I suspect it was a combination of the fact that he's tired and exhausted, and knew he had only one more show to do before a two week break, when he could go home to his house and dogs, and relative obscurity in LA, to recharge, as well as the fact that for all his fame and success, he still has low self-esteem, and always seems overwhelmed by the appreciation and love shown by his fans.

Whatever caused his tears, seeing him live made me realise that not only is Robbie a born entertainer, he's a normal person with fears and insecurities and emotions, just like the rest of us. From being someone who liked Robbie and his music before Monday, I'm now a complete fan with a deeper understanding of the man behind the act. The real Robbie Williams shines through the stage persona very clearly, and he's actually a nice person, with an amazing talent for singing and writing stunningly profound lyrics. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was rather emotional myself several times during the concert, and have a new appreciation for many of Robbie's songs, which I've been listening too all week! Bring on the next tour Robbie ... I'll certainly be there.

Robbie Pics ....!

Wow, I didn't realise how long it's been since I posted here .... ! This is really just a quick entry to say that the Robbie Williams concert yesterday was unbelievably amazing, and the pics are online now!

Robbie Williams at Milton Keynes

The first group of pics are of Orson, a Californian band who have had recent UK hts with "No Tomorrow", "Bright Idea" and "Happiness". They're cool! The second supporting act were Basement Jaxx, a UK dance act who are great, and put on a fantastic show, *but* dance just isn't my thing. They certainly got the crowd going though.

A full report will be up in a day or two ... just as soon as I can formulate thoughts a bit more substantial than "Wow ...." and "awesome ..." !!

A good day!

Today is a good day because ...

• The tickets for Robbie Williams at Milton Keynes came!
• I lost 2lb!
• I have a day off tomorrow
• I'm sticking to low carb
• Best of all .... I've had normal (non-diabetic) blood sugars for the past three days, and *just* tested at 4.9 mmol! My lowest *ever* and a 'perfect' pre-meal reading!

It's all good:)

If At First You Don't Succeed ...

Try again! It certainly paid off for me today! Back in June, on the way home from the Bon Jovi concert at Milton Keynes, Clare and I were talking about how great it would be to see Robbie Williams on his tour, and I tried to get tickets when I got paid. Sadly they sold out just 6 hours before the money appeared in my bank account!

Torturing myself, I've been checking See Tickets and Ticketmaster for a week or so, to see if any new tickets had been released for sale, and lo and behold, there have been more available. I hopedn and prayed that they would still be available by this morning, when I got paid, and got up at 6:30am to get online and check. Yep, tickets were still on sale for the date I wanted - Monday September 18th, at the Milton Keynes Bowl.

Frantic texts between me and Clare ensued, the conversation going something like this.

Me: I can get Robbie Williams tickets for Milton Keynes on September 18th. I'll buy, you drive and pay petrol costs. Interested?
Clare: Great, but I've used all my holiday and can't get the day off.
Me: Never mind, next time he tours .... have a good day.
Clare: What time would it start?
Me: Gates 2pm, first supporting act 4pm
Clare: I'll have to work until 2pm, I can only get 2 hours off.
Me: Fine, we'll be there just after 4. Shall I book?
Clare: Yeah, go for it
Me (10 hours later!!!) BOOKED THEM!!!!!

I'm not even a massive Robbie fan like Clare, but I saw my musical heroes, Bon Jovi, and it will be great to be able to contribute to Clare having the same experience. I do like Robbie a lot, so it will be fantastic ... 25 days to go!

Genealogy is hilarious ... who knew?

Mum and I have both been tracing our family history for years - she's doing both her parents sides, and I'm doing my MPU's (Male Parental Unit side. A couple of days ago Mum discovered that one of her ancestors, who's surname was Buss - fodder for jokes in it's own right - had parents who made the unfortunate mistake of christening her "Minnie". Poor Minnie probably didn't have to suffer cruel teasing back in the 1700s, but Mum and I certainly laughed 'til our stomachs hurt when she told me. "Minnie Buss" ... minibus .... LOL!

I Won Something!

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not really a lucky person. I occasionally win a few pounds on a Lotto scratchcard, and I won a cuddly toy and a hairdryer when I was younger, but generally, where competitions are concerned, I'm out of luck.

I'm pleased to announce that I actually won something today! Last week I entered a free prize giveaway in The Sun, to win a free ticket to a Tussauds attraction - Thorpe Park, Chessington World Of Adventures, Alton Towers, Madame Tussauds or Warwick Castle, and although there were 100,000 tickets to be won, I didn't really think I would win. Well, this afternoon I got an email with the link to my free ticket, and it's now printed, and sitting in my purse ready for use on Sunday, when I'm going to Thorpe Park with Daniel and Clare! The trip was planned already, so that's great timing, and will save me £29.50! Bargain ... :-)

I'm also on my first day off since Monday last week, which is great! *And* I just looked at the Burger King website and discovered that I will be able to eat at Thorpe Park on Sunday, and won't have to go off my low-carb plan or take food with me. An added bonus!

So, um .... yeah.

I have no idea what to title this post, other than that it needs to be something that will accurately convey that I'm crazy. Nuts. I've got a screw loose, lost the plot, my marbles ... am a sandwich short of a picnic, and all the other expressions you can think of. I hear you ask why I think I'm crazy ... consider this.

I can't being this weight any longer, so I'm thinking about being bulimic again to help me lose it.

See? I *told* you I was crazy - now do you agree? I'm actually contemplating *deliberately* going back fifteen years to a time when I would binge then make myself sick, in the hopes of losing weight. I never ever lost a *single* pound in the two years I was bulimic, so why the *hell* would it work now, when the diabetes and PCOS have screwed up my metabolism even *more* than it was back then??

Truth be told I know I won't do it, but the very fact that I'm back in a place where I'm even considering it scares the crap out of me. As does the fact that I actually weigh about 2st less than my highest weight, and less than I have since I reached adulthood, yet I feel worse about it that I have for years.

I try and pretend that I'm OK with what I weigh, and how I look, but I'm not, at all. I hate it. I hate that it takes every drop of energy I have just to work a normal eight hour shift, or go shopping for a few hours. I hate that I literally have to *beg* people not to take photos of me because I hate the way my face seems to expand and grow even more chins than I actually have in real life, in a picture. I hate that I can't walk into any High Street shop and find something that fits. I hate that I'm almost back to the point where I feel ashamed to be seen out with my friends, because they're almost all skinny. I hate that I have older brothers who i've never met, and the main reason I haven't tried to trace them is because I don't want to see their faces when they find they have a *fat* sister. More than anything I hate the fact that I *know* what I need to do to help myself become healthier, but don't have enough strength or willpower or motivation to do a damn thing about it.

Photos from the Grange

I went to Southover Grange this morning, in hopes of getting some decent close-ups of the flowers there. I love wandering the gardens, though in a way I prefer it in winter, when there's actually water in the Winterbourne stream. There are lots of beautifully kept flower beds, as well as rare trees like a flowering tulip tree, mulberry, magnolia, and medlar. Of course, being the school holidays there were lots of people around today, so it wasn't as quiet as I had hoped! I'm pleased with what I got though ... here are the best photos ...