A good day!

Today is a good day because ...

• The tickets for Robbie Williams at Milton Keynes came!
• I lost 2lb!
• I have a day off tomorrow
• I'm sticking to low carb
• Best of all .... I've had normal (non-diabetic) blood sugars for the past three days, and *just* tested at 4.9 mmol! My lowest *ever* and a 'perfect' pre-meal reading!

It's all good:)

If At First You Don't Succeed ...

Try again! It certainly paid off for me today! Back in June, on the way home from the Bon Jovi concert at Milton Keynes, Clare and I were talking about how great it would be to see Robbie Williams on his tour, and I tried to get tickets when I got paid. Sadly they sold out just 6 hours before the money appeared in my bank account!

Torturing myself, I've been checking See Tickets and Ticketmaster for a week or so, to see if any new tickets had been released for sale, and lo and behold, there have been more available. I hopedn and prayed that they would still be available by this morning, when I got paid, and got up at 6:30am to get online and check. Yep, tickets were still on sale for the date I wanted - Monday September 18th, at the Milton Keynes Bowl.

Frantic texts between me and Clare ensued, the conversation going something like this.

Me: I can get Robbie Williams tickets for Milton Keynes on September 18th. I'll buy, you drive and pay petrol costs. Interested?
Clare: Great, but I've used all my holiday and can't get the day off.
Me: Never mind, next time he tours .... have a good day.
Clare: What time would it start?
Me: Gates 2pm, first supporting act 4pm
Clare: I'll have to work until 2pm, I can only get 2 hours off.
Me: Fine, we'll be there just after 4. Shall I book?
Clare: Yeah, go for it
Me (10 hours later!!!) BOOKED THEM!!!!!

I'm not even a massive Robbie fan like Clare, but I saw my musical heroes, Bon Jovi, and it will be great to be able to contribute to Clare having the same experience. I do like Robbie a lot, so it will be fantastic ... 25 days to go!

Genealogy is hilarious ... who knew?

Mum and I have both been tracing our family history for years - she's doing both her parents sides, and I'm doing my MPU's (Male Parental Unit side. A couple of days ago Mum discovered that one of her ancestors, who's surname was Buss - fodder for jokes in it's own right - had parents who made the unfortunate mistake of christening her "Minnie". Poor Minnie probably didn't have to suffer cruel teasing back in the 1700s, but Mum and I certainly laughed 'til our stomachs hurt when she told me. "Minnie Buss" ... minibus .... LOL!

I Won Something!

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not really a lucky person. I occasionally win a few pounds on a Lotto scratchcard, and I won a cuddly toy and a hairdryer when I was younger, but generally, where competitions are concerned, I'm out of luck.

I'm pleased to announce that I actually won something today! Last week I entered a free prize giveaway in The Sun, to win a free ticket to a Tussauds attraction - Thorpe Park, Chessington World Of Adventures, Alton Towers, Madame Tussauds or Warwick Castle, and although there were 100,000 tickets to be won, I didn't really think I would win. Well, this afternoon I got an email with the link to my free ticket, and it's now printed, and sitting in my purse ready for use on Sunday, when I'm going to Thorpe Park with Daniel and Clare! The trip was planned already, so that's great timing, and will save me £29.50! Bargain ... :-)

I'm also on my first day off since Monday last week, which is great! *And* I just looked at the Burger King website and discovered that I will be able to eat at Thorpe Park on Sunday, and won't have to go off my low-carb plan or take food with me. An added bonus!

So, um .... yeah.

I have no idea what to title this post, other than that it needs to be something that will accurately convey that I'm crazy. Nuts. I've got a screw loose, lost the plot, my marbles ... am a sandwich short of a picnic, and all the other expressions you can think of. I hear you ask why I think I'm crazy ... consider this.

I can't being this weight any longer, so I'm thinking about being bulimic again to help me lose it.

See? I *told* you I was crazy - now do you agree? I'm actually contemplating *deliberately* going back fifteen years to a time when I would binge then make myself sick, in the hopes of losing weight. I never ever lost a *single* pound in the two years I was bulimic, so why the *hell* would it work now, when the diabetes and PCOS have screwed up my metabolism even *more* than it was back then??

Truth be told I know I won't do it, but the very fact that I'm back in a place where I'm even considering it scares the crap out of me. As does the fact that I actually weigh about 2st less than my highest weight, and less than I have since I reached adulthood, yet I feel worse about it that I have for years.

I try and pretend that I'm OK with what I weigh, and how I look, but I'm not, at all. I hate it. I hate that it takes every drop of energy I have just to work a normal eight hour shift, or go shopping for a few hours. I hate that I literally have to *beg* people not to take photos of me because I hate the way my face seems to expand and grow even more chins than I actually have in real life, in a picture. I hate that I can't walk into any High Street shop and find something that fits. I hate that I'm almost back to the point where I feel ashamed to be seen out with my friends, because they're almost all skinny. I hate that I have older brothers who i've never met, and the main reason I haven't tried to trace them is because I don't want to see their faces when they find they have a *fat* sister. More than anything I hate the fact that I *know* what I need to do to help myself become healthier, but don't have enough strength or willpower or motivation to do a damn thing about it.

Photos from the Grange

I went to Southover Grange this morning, in hopes of getting some decent close-ups of the flowers there. I love wandering the gardens, though in a way I prefer it in winter, when there's actually water in the Winterbourne stream. There are lots of beautifully kept flower beds, as well as rare trees like a flowering tulip tree, mulberry, magnolia, and medlar. Of course, being the school holidays there were lots of people around today, so it wasn't as quiet as I had hoped! I'm pleased with what I got though ... here are the best photos ...