Apathy

I feel like I've been slacking off recently. Not just in being lazy to update my blog, but with correspondence, housework, my training workbook at work, going to the gym, maintaining my friendships, etc. I basically haven't done anything but go to work, do as little as I can get away with, come home, and get in bed, accompanied by the cat and the laptop, to spend the rest of the day online. I haven't been to the gym for nearly a fortnight, have been eating dinner at midnight, and half the time not even taking any of my medications, so goodness only knows what the blood tests for my annual diabetic review will reveal at my appointments with the GP and the nurse next week. I feel as though I've got a lot of catching up to do in almost everything I do.

I feel somewhat ... OK, totally ... out of control of my life. I'm bored with it, but I don't have the motivation or energy to do anything that might change anything ... and I don't like change anyway. I've always been one who doesn't bother trying in case I fail, and am quite happy to just plod on with the same old routine day in, day out. I wasn't bothered about turning 30 a few weeks back, because I just had this vague idea that this was going to be my year, that somehow I'd be able to lose weight, get healthy, make more friends, see more of the old ones, travel, save money, in short do all the things I long to do. After all, 30 is 'grown up', right?

Well, none of that is going to happen uness *I* make it happen. And I really can't be arsed. Wake me up in another 40 years, but if I'm a blind diabetic amputee in a wheelchair, waiting for a kidney transplant throughh not taking my meds and controlling my glucose, please don't bother.