Absent Loved Ones

Yesterday would have been my favourite uncle's birthday. Uncle Colin, my mum's big brother, who she adored, and who was more of a father to me than an uncle, would have been 58. He died at 41, in 1990, from a paracetamol and alcohol overdose, following the breakup of his second marriage. Just two hours before his birthday started, at 10pm on Saturday evening, another granddaughter was born, and though I'm happy she's here safely, it would have been lovely if she had waited two more hours, and arrived on his birthday! Mind, we have so many birthdays in June in our family, he was probably willing her on to arrive on one of the few 'unoccupied' days, and fill up the calendar even more! Some of my favourite memories of him:

• Teaching me to recreate the "nee nah nee nah" of the emergency services sirens on my Major Morgan
• Buying me recorders for Christmas at least twice, then listening to me mangle various Christmas carols when he rang to say Merry Christmas
• Climbing out of the kitchen window pretending I'd upset him, then walking along the balcony and back in the front door, when I thought he'd really gone home
• Teaching me to tip the cereal bowl up and drink the remaining milk that way instead of spoon by spoon
• Showing me that putting knee length socks on is easier if you roll them down to the ankle before pulling them on, then unroll them instead of fighting to get your foot in te whole length of them

Today would have been my brothers 29th birthday. He was born at only 24 weeks, and weighed less than 2lb. Ben was born, christened, and died in the space of 18 hours, and all we have to remember him is a pressed flower from the funeral, and his birth and death certificates. With the advances in medical technology, if he had been born now, he would almost certainly have survived.

Ben was only 18 months younger than me, and I often wonder what it would have been like to grow up as a big sister, rather than an only child. Would he have looked like me? Would we have had the same interests, got on well, fought like cat and dog? Would he be married or settled down now, with children of his own? Perhaps he'd have gone to university, and been the first in our family to do that ... the 'what if' questions just keep coming.

I'm glad I had the day off today, it's been tough in some ways, and good in others. Definitely a day for my own thoughts and memories, on the whole though.